Time to Get Tough (& Gentle) With Yourself

Usually when you crack open a PDF document that’s from someone who teaches Internet Marketing, the tone is set to inspire and motivate and warm the cockles of your heart.

Well today is a little different. You’ll need your thick skin and your big girl (or boy) panties on. But you know what? Even if you crumble after reading this, I’ve done you a favor.

I will have weeded you out of a very tough business to be in – because not everyone is cut out for it. Not everyone has what it takes.

I’m not talking about money or talent, either – I’m talking flat out guts. It takes guts to be in this business.

Well, anyone can be IN this business – but to succeed, you have to be willing to put yourself out there like you have never done in your life.

You have to balance your mindset and play good cop/bad cop with yourself. Give yourself a dash of forgiveness when you mess up - with a pinch of swift kick in the butt so that you don’t rest on your laurels for too long.

You have to stop comparing yourself to others – put blinders on – and just focus on you and your journey – because no two people are going to have the same business models, same availability of time, and same obstacles.

You can expect to have some down days, too. You are not a superhero. This isn’t all rainbows and unicorns – there are days when you’ll get frustrated, feel stupid and become envious of others.

But during those times, you have to get tough on yourself. You have to get angry!

I’m angry at all the wasted time and energy and money I see from those of you struggling. I’m angry because people don’t think highly enough about themselves that it scares them into failure.

I’m not angry AT you - unless you refuse to overcome your obstacles so you keep emailing people like me wondering why you keep failing, when we’ve told you why.

I’m angry FOR you. I’m annoyed that someone made you feel intimidated or unworthy enough to really go after success hardcore on the ‘net. But it’s time to get over all that.

We have to start with mindset because as hokey as it sounds, if you don’t have the right mental outlook, you will fail repeatedly until you get your house in order emotionally.

The ONLY thing that makes people fail with Internet Marketing is their attitude, period. I say that because you can succeed with zero money, you can succeed without being THE sole leader in a niche – all you need is the ability to tap into your heart, mind and soul and you can do it.

Without the right mindset, you’ll sit there paralyzed each day – not getting work done, and not getting your personal life in order, either.

Before you get started, you have to really define what work-life balance means to you. Does it mean getting your to do list done each day? If so, have you carefully analyzed your to do list to make sure it’s actually doable?

You can’t go through life just working or just living.

No one can. We have to do a little of both. We have to make money – and money requires tasks to be completed. And we have to raise our kids and take a bath and do our laundry and enjoy ourselves a bit.

Otherwise, what’s all this work for anyway?

It’s not just a task list that you’ll be tackling in this course. We’ve all drawn up enormous task lists for both professional and personal use. It’s knowing how to navigate it every day – how to manage your time every 24-hour cycle that you go through so that you feel accomplished and happy.

That’s what this is all about – becoming happier with what you do each day. We already know that on days you do no work, you feel guilt that you weren’t being a good entrepreneur.

And on days where you worked and did nothing else, you feel tired and bitter - and possibly guilt for not having anything left of yourself to give to your loved ones, much less for a little TLC of your own.

As an online entrepreneur, you have a unique set of obstacles you have to overcome. I already love that you invested in yourself enough to change things. MOST people sitting out there complaining will never give up that security blanket of blame and whining long enough to find their way through.

You believed you could change and improve – and that’s a formidable foundation to start with.

Have Something Powerful Driving You to Balance Out Your Monetary Needs

Why are you even pursuing Internet Marketing? Is it because you’re bored? Maybe retired and bored or a stay-at-home parent who needs something to do?

If so, you might find it hard to succeed. That’s because there’s nothing lighting a fire under your rear. There are two types of people who succeed online:

The first are those who have some sort of life changing situation where they have no other alternative but to succeed. Maybe there’s a drastic illness for you or someone in your family that requires you to work from home now.

You can split this first group up into two sub categories – those who see the situation and take care of themselves – and those who just curl up into a ball and want someone to make it all better for them.

The second group is people who just have that fight in them. They come into this, not because they need to – but because they want to. They don’t just “wish” they had more money – more time – more freedom – they crave it.

They’re not saying they hope to succeed – they’re saying they will. Ever seen the movie Rudy? Where the short little guy at Notre Dame gets on the football team and allows himself to get knocked down a million times because he wants it so bad?

That has to be you if you don’t have that “critical life changing situation” happening for you. You have to be driven by the fact that there’s just no other option – you will make it happen.

People email marketers all the time ready to give up and sometimes, depending on their mood, they might coddle them and try to motivate them. Other times they just want to say, “You know what? Quit the business. You have a quitter mindset, so do yourself a favor and stop trying.”

They usually don’t say that because it’s not fair to them – they don’t know any better than to be full of the defeatist mindset they’ve cultivated over the years. But it is what inspires some marketers to write those butt-kicking blog posts or reports like this.

So, what is it driving you? And don’t tell me money.

You can say something like, “I’m so sick of feeling like a failure because I can’t get my kids much of a Christmas every year,” or, “I don’t want my kids to grow up with a struggling parent who never had time to play with them because s/he was always trying to make ends meet.”

But see, that’s not just about money – that’s about the FEELINGS behind the lack of money. That’s something that can drive you. If you need to, type out a reminder of what it is and attach it to your computer monitor, like, “For my kids…”

It’s a simple reminder whenever you work that every time you put yourself out there and do things you’re nervous about, like video blogging to make a connection with your audience – when you risk being ridiculed by Internet trolls and getting your feelings hurt – you’re doing it for a reason.

Whenever you sit down and feel like you’d rather watch TV than work – glance at those words and know why you’re putting in the time and effort.

When you feel overwhelmed and like you’re going to cry because – well, because people do that sometimes when life is not going according to your plan – go ahead and cry, blow your nose and work anyway – because you know why you’re doing this!

It’s not enough to sit there and say, “I want more money.” Screw money! What do you want to DO with that money?

Vacation?

GREAT! Then get to the core of those vacation feelings. Why do you need a vacation? To get away from someone? To get rid of the stress that someone else is causing? To reward yourself because you’re doing an awesome job?

DIG. DOWN.

Until you dig down, you won’t have what you need to push THROUGH those obstacles you will encounter blocking your work-life balance, because my friend – there are so many obstacles in this business.

You are solo – an entrepreneur with no franchise kit or business in a box (no matter what those liars say) – and you have to wear many hats to make this work.

What if you simply hate your current power-tripping, ungrateful boss? Then you know what I’d do? I’d take my freaking iPhone to work and snap a picture of him (without him knowing it) and stick it on my computer at home so that every time I sat down to work, I’d see his sorry mug in the corner of my eye and I’d work THAT much harder to get to the day when I got to tell him where to go.

So get in touch with the emotions that are driving your physical, tangible needs. Not “money” but why the money? Not time, but time to do what – and why. Print it out and stick it on your monitor.

Because you will forget!

You’ll get frustrated with something - and when that happens, you won’t be thinking clearly – and you’ll need that reminder – because it will anchor you when you’re having an all-out hissy fit, meltdown and labeling yourself a failure.

Balance Your Blame of Others with Taking Responsibility

It’s easy to blame others for your lack of success. Maybe in the real world you blame bosses for not giving you credit or allowing you to climb the corporate ladder.

You preferred to sit and complain rather than get yourself back in college, finish your degree, and trample them in the workforce.

Blame those online gurus, too – for never holding your hand and showing you all of the steps. Never mind the fact that others made it through just fine. We want to ignore that little piece of information.

You need to know the truth now.

You have to have guts to believe in yourself in order for you to make it online as an entrepreneur.

No one is to blame but YOU if you fail to make ends meet or can’t figure something out. But how often do you blame others? Here are a few common finger pointing tactics you might be using to excuse your failure to get things done:

·         Everyone’s a liar! I don’t know who to trust!

·         None of the courses work.

·         They all leave stuff out!

·         So and so took my money and didn’t deliver the product.

·         They aren’t holding my hand through it.

·         I can’t find a good coach or mentor.

Well boo … freaking … hoo.

I’m sorry but really, I look back over that list and I feel like anyone using those excuses needs to put a diaper on, grab a pacifier and suck on it.

You SHOULD be looking at those excuses – the blame game you’re trying to play – and being tough on yourself instead.

Let’s go over them one by one.

“Everyone’s a liar! I don’t know who to trust!” Well, that statement is a lie. The fact that you can’t figure out how to vet someone thoroughly doesn’t mean everyone else is a liar.

All it means is you’d rather say, “I fail to get things done because no one’s truthful with me” than take responsibility for your own actions and learn how to evaluate people and figure out who to trust.

I’m going to share a few ways to determine if someone is real or fake right now – so you can’t use that excuse anymore.

1.    Your gut tells you they’re being too bloated with the truth.

2.    You looked at their forum posts and see that they’re really jerks a lot of the time – belittling others and trying to make themselves look cool.

3.    They align themselves with other people you know to be scumbags.

4.    They don’t do anything to help others – they’re all about selling 24/7.

5.    Their products suck. They don’t give detail, they’re so sterile they read like they’ve been written by a ghostwriter – there’s no heart in them.

6.    You asked. You did ask people, right? “Hey what do you know or think about Jane Doe?” It’s as easy as that.

7.    You dug around the Internet. Look for their name and see what people are saying about them in forums and blogs and comments – I’m not talking about those silly “John Doe Scam” blog posts meant to attract search engine traffic – I mean real conversations.

8.    You interacted with them. You emailed them. You formed your own relationship with them to test the waters.

“None of the courses work.” Well now if that was true, there wouldn’t be any satisfied customers, would there? Everyone would be enraged. So just because you can’t get them to work, quit saying everybody else is the problem.

Are there some products that don’t work? Yes! That said, just about every product you’ve ever bought can help you make money in some way – even if you only pick up 1-2 tiny nuggets of information.

There might be times when you encounter black hat information that isn’t ethical or possibly legal – in those cases, just say to yourself, “This guy sells scumbag, dirty tactics – don’t buy from him anymore.”

Lesson learned.

“They all leave stuff out!” So what?

If a step is left out, get your butt on the Internet and find the answer to the missing step.

Have you ever HEARD of such a concept? Probably not – because most people just get annoyed and blame others and say, “Well I can’t do that task now because nobody taught me!”

Go back to the product owner if you can’t find the answer and ask for advice.

Oh, and this goes back to finding the right people to trust – because you want someone who will actually reply.

“So and so took my money and didn’t deliver the product.” They did, did they? Well, that’s when you get your nasty hat on. You first understand that there are technical glitches and sometimes for some reason, your communication didn’t get through.

You still have to try:

·         Their email

·         Their blog contact form

·         Their Twitter

·         Their Facebook page

·         Their forum PM box

And you have to make sure you’re receiving emails okay, too. I can’t tell you how many times email replies I’ve sent have bounced back because their email inbox is full or something like that. Balance your immediate suspicions with some rational thinking and find a solution.

“They aren’t holding my hand through it.” No…no they’re not. Because being an entrepreneur is not about getting your hand held. You’re not on a date with this person.

They released a product and expect you to implement it. If you get stuck, and you’ve actually tried their steps – then you can go to them and ask why it’s not working because you’ve done X, Y, and Z.

But no – those entrepreneurs you’re buying from? They’re successful. They have businesses to run. They can’t do the work for you. You have to do it. And if you don’t want to do it, then it’s up to you to quit – or outsource a step to someone else who can do it.

“I can’t find a good coach or mentor.” And you don’t have to have one to succeed. Most people have the wrong idea about what a coach or mentor is supposed to do. They think, “He’ll tell me what to do step by step, I’ll implement it, and then I should be seeing some money!”

How wrong you are.

A good mentor doesn’t drag and force you along on this journey – they PUSH you from behind. They get you out of your comfort zone and help you get strong by urging you to take action and make decisions and choices and put yourself out there.

They lead – but they don’t steer your journey for you – and any coach or mentor who sells that idea is doing you a disservice in my opinion.

Your journey shouldn’t be 100% identical to theirs, and if they’re telling you what to do, then it’s not YOUR journey. It’s theirs.

Oh, you might get a few steps further. You might be really excited that finally, someone’s there to help you – but you’re not doing yourself any favors letting that happen.

It’s just a matter of time before they won’t take responsibility for what happens, like a setback, and then you’ll feel like you just got dumped – you’ll feel betrayed. If you have to find a mentor, just find one for mindset and growth in your business – the rest will take care of itself.

Try New Things, But Always Follow Through

You have to give yourself freedom to try new business models and different strategies. But you can’t flit around so much that you never follow through on any one effort – because that will cause you to fail. There has to be a balance.

Marketers tend to get so down on themselves and how they’re pursing their business.

You get to work for yourself.

How many people can say that? It’s a wonderful, freeing feeling – if you let it be. Many of you don’t.

First of all, you have this weird mindset that you MUST get one business model fully successful before you can ever branch out and try something new.

And God help you if the first one fails – and the second and third – because then you approach everything else with a defeatist attitude. You sound like Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh… “Well, I guess I’ll try another one, but I’m sure this one will fail, too. I’m not good at anything.” (Must be read in your best Eeyore voice for the full effect).

You know, there are SO many branches of the Internet Marketing world that I don’t like – and I’m lucky I didn’t happen to choose a couple of those first because if I failed, or flat out didn’t like them, I would be disgruntled with my whole IM journey!

There have been many along the way that I quit on – AND THAT’S OKAY! You hear me? This isn’t grade school where you’re FORCED to learn Geometry because “someday you’ll need it.”

No! You don’t HAVE to keep going with anything you dislike. That’s why it’s smart to work on a few business models at a time. Because what’s going to happen if you spend SIX MONTHS pursuing some strategy and either fail at it or it doesn’t “do it” for you?

I recommend pursuing at LEAST three business models at a time. Maybe even up to five. We’ll talk about handling schedules later, but get your mind ready. Think of it like an office job.

Your job probably didn’t require you to just do one thing. You probably had to do more than one – take calls, run reports, create content, etc. That’s what your multiple business models will be like – you’ll be running different tasks.

“But wait! Won’t it take longer for me to get three business models running than it would if I just did one at a time?”

Not really.

In 6 months, you can get one of three business models running and profitable. In 6 months, you might be starting from scratch with zero income if you only have one business model to work with because what if that one fails? Or gets shut down?

Forget about TIME, please. It’s not about TIME. It’s about what you choose to pursue, how you do it, and other factors that determine your success. Time has absolutely nothing to do with it unless you’re desperate looking at life necessities not being taken care of – in which case, Internet Marketing is NOT the right career to pursue in those times.

While you’re allowing yourself the freedom to find the best fit for you, you also have to hunker down and make sure you’ve given it your best effort. That balances out your antsy behavior where you just want to move on – NOW!

That means taking different courses from different teachers who will all be able to share slightly unique insight to you. It means carefully analyzing what you’ve done to see what you did wrong, or what you could do better – even enlisting the help of others who can spot problem areas you might be too close to recognize.

No More Excuses for Why You Fail

More mindset obstacles – AKA: excuses. Before you even read this section, please think of some excuses you’ve used for your failures or lack of success.

Here are some I can think of right off the bat that I hear about – aside from the old “it’s their fault” blame game stuff:

·         You’re too old.

·         You don’t get it.

·         You’re not good looking enough to put yourself out there.

·         You’re shy.

·         You don’t have money to invest.

·         You have no support.

·         You don’t have time.

·         You have a fulltime job.

·         The dog ate your computer.

They’re all ridiculous. Not to you, of course – because you’ve been clutching onto these excuses so that you don’t have to feel so bad about where you are with your online success.

But I’m telling you, they’re ridiculous.

Everyone can get it if they try to learn how to learn. Nobody is too old, young, ugly, etc. Unless your goal is to run a porn site with you as the star attraction, then looks are not a valid excuse.

Too shy? Then quit. If you can’t get out of your own way, stop wasting everybody’s time and your own money. Or – practice getting comfortable. Read confidence books. Whatever you have to do to become stronger.

No money to invest? That’s too bad – because there are plenty of ways to get started for free if you’re hungry enough for it. If you can’t figure that out, then I guess if you want it bad enough, you’ll sell some junk off on eBay or pawn something.

Maybe donate plasma for $25 a pop.

No support at home? Oh well. Entrepreneurs have a lonely job. No one else needs to understand for you to be successful. And you need to stop looking for other peoples’ approval if you want to succeed, too.

Have no time? Wrong! I’ll show you how to schedule your work, but everyone has time to chip away at this - even if you have less time than someone else. It’s not a competition.

Have another job? Good! Hopefully it’s a really crappy one that makes you want this even more. I’m very UN PC here, too – I’m telling you that if it sucks, find ways to get this done on working hours – just enough that you’re still meeting your requirements there, but facilitating your progress on this journey, too.

People walk around at work and chat and snack, etc. Well, you can use that time to work on your own business. Have a spiral notebook with you everywhere.

Sitting in a boring meeting – the kind where it’s a bunch of nonsense? Jot down ideas for your business as they come to you. So many people waste time in the workplace, and if you’re one of those, all I’m saying is, start doing something productive with that time while your coworkers are chatting on their phone or playing Solitaire on their computer.

Even if you don’t work on company hours, another job isn’t an excuse. You have before work, lunch hour, breaks and after work as well as weekends to get yourself further in this process.

Whatever excuse you come up with, I want you to find a counter argument for it. If you can’t find one, accept defeat and quit. No use struggling to go on if you’ve made up your mind.

Balance Advice Seeking with Decision Making

“Would you do this or that?”

The questions come in daily from people basically asking other marketers to make their business decisions for them. It’s one thing to ask their opinion so that you can see what advice they might have – but it still shouldn’t be THEM who decides what business model you pursue, which niche you go into, or what domain name you pick out.

These are just a few of the decisions people come up with. There are so many.

Look in forums at people asking others to make up their mind for them. These aren’t the types of people who are just fishing for all opinions so they can then evaluate.

I’m talking about those who literally want to have a hands-off approach to their business because once they allow someone else to make the decision, they don’t have to be so scared that they’ll fail – and they can also blame someone else when it goes wrong.

There are many times in every day of being an Internet Marketer that you have to make decisions on your own. Not only does asking put your business in jeopardy, because we don’t know it as well as you do, but it takes up too much time.

For example, let’s say that you want to know about a niche. You not only ask a few people you trust via email, but you might post it in a forum like the Warrior Forum.

“Is dog health a good niche to go into?” This isn’t someone asking what makes a good niche – like whether or not people spend money on it – this is someone specifically asking others to do the research for them and make a decision for them about something very specific.

But here’s the problem: You might hear from other marketers who have failed for who knows what reason in that niche – and they’re blaming the niche itself.

You might NOT be hearing from people succeeding in that niche because they’re not stupid – they don’t want more competition in their successful niche.

You might also hear from people who are just blowhard know-it-alls who have their own agenda. “No, it’s not a good niche because of blah blah blah – you need a good niche picking course to teach you” (which is where the signature file comes in handy for them as you now doubt yourself and click on their “How to Pick a Profitable Niche” course link).

Not only that, but getting responses is a waste of time for you. You sit there all day (maybe even several days) waiting for replies when you could be taking action instead.

Don’t ask people to make specific business decisions for you. If you want to learn how to do things better, like pick a domain name, then ask something like this:

“Hey – I was considering two domains and I’m wondering if you have any advice on them as far as broad versus specific topics is concerned: dogtraining.com or shockdogcollars.com.” Or look it up online – “broad domains versus long tail domains.” See if anyone’s already written about it.

It’s okay to get advice, but then make up your own mind. And it’s OKAY to disagree with someone who is already more profitable than you are! You don’t have to make yourself believe that experts are flawless – everyone screws up from time to time.

All of this time you waste emailing people, asking in forums, and trying to make sure you won’t fail will do more harm to your business plans than if you just trust your gut and go for it. 

Every Success Story Has Had Their Fair Share of Failures

Yeah, what about this failure stuff?

I say, wear it like a badge of honor.

To know you’re out there working on tasks and trying different things is something to be very proud of.

It’s those people who are walking on eggshells, terrified of making one misstep who ought to be ashamed.

Every marketer fails.

Every. One.

Do you think you’re special enough to never go down that path? Good luck to you! It’ll take you a million years to navigate this online minefield without screwing up even once.

And besides the fact that it’s not possible to never make a mistake, let me add that sometimes your mistakes are the BEST moments you can have online!

Those are moments you never forget – ESPECIALLY when they’re more frustrating. When something makes you shed tears, grit your teeth and let a 4-letter word fly, you make sure you never make that mistake again, right?

It’s the small mistakes we often forget and go through again and again – because they’re insignificant.

I often see people email me or comment that they feel so stupid about something they failed at – whether a big or small mistake.

Why would you feel stupid?  Because you had the courage enough to launch your own business, you’ve been educating yourself and you took action? I can see why you’d feel like such a fool (not!). Balance your frustration with some pride in the fact that you’re an action taker.

Nobody else in life is going to pump you up - so you’d better learn how to do it for yourself. Would you put your kid down if they tried hard and failed? Of course, not (and if you answered yes, then you suck as a parent LOL).  So, treat yourself with the same kindness. Be proud, get up and try again! Okay ((hugs)) if you need it after reading this section.