Your Ex Says No – Now What?
Okay…you’ve done everything I’ve told you to do in the previous chapters – and you now know for sure that your ex has moved on and he’s not coming back to you. How are you going to handle it?
Are you going to come off looking like a “fatal attraction,” suicidal or drowning in a river of tears that everyone sees?
You don’t want to be any of those stereotypes. Hopefully, you’ll want to leave the relationship on a positive note.
If that’s not possible, at least leave it on a final note - and don’t look back. No sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring someday.
It may take time to fully recover from a relationship breakup, but this type of grief really can’t be measured by time, so I can’t give you a timeline when you’ll get up one morning and not feel anything for your ex.
One thing I can guarantee, though, is that you will get over it and you will be happy again.
When you can see the relationship as a learning experience – one that made you a better person – you’ll begin to heal from the hurt and sadness and begin to make a life for yourself without your ex.
Eventually, you’ll look back and wonder why you grieved for such a long time.
You’re the only one who can choose to grow – or not – from this experience and your life will be much better, much quicker if you decide to grow. In this final chapter, I’ll give you some hints and hard facts about getting your groove back and keeping it!
Keep Your Dignity Intact
Ask yourself who are the people you admire when they’ve gone through tough times – and why do you admire them. For me, the newsreel of Jackie Kennedy attending the funeral for her husband, President Kennedy, comes to mind.
Jackie Kennedy was always the epitome of dignity and class, and at no other time did she display that than at the funeral for her husband.
You may admire a celebrity or someone in your own family for their abilities to handle the tough situations in life with aplomb and dignity. Ask yourself how these people would handle the situation you’re in right now and then make it your assignment to mimic their self-assurance.
While you may think you’re torturing your ex by leaving the relationship on a “loud and boisterous” note, you’re really just torturing yourself. Walk away, head held high and understand that while this relationship didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean you were unworthy in any way.
Don’t let your ego get in the way of your healing. You don’t have to prove to your ex that he missed out on a good thing. You may feel rejected and even embarrassed, causing you to doubt your adequacy as a partner – but don’t let these temporary feelings undermine your healing efforts.
Revel In Your New-Found Freedom
What would you do if a friend were free from a stifling relationship? Try to get them to celebrate! I want you to celebrate your independence from the sorrow and relationship that didn’t allow you to experience true happiness.
When people get dumped, both men and women, they often forget how they can grow from the experience. You’ll be a better you because of this failed relationship. Never have regrets over what you lived through.
It’s okay to get sad, angry and depressed at first. But then let your life blossom. Learn how to be happy living alone before you run out and try to latch onto someone else just because you’re feeling a little lonely.
If you start with a clean slate, it will give some wonderful man or woman out there the chance to get to know you and develop a deep, meaningful relationship with you. The last thing you want to do is carry a bunch of baggage around with you while you try to move on with someone new.
Eventually, you’re going to look back on this break-up period and be glad that it didn’t work out. Why? Because you’ll be with the person you were really meant to be with – and your old relationship will pale in comparison.
Be very nurturing to yourself during this time. If you and your ex lived together and you don’t want to look at the rooms where his presence was, then try to schedule a vacation or time at a friends’ house so that you don’t have to wallow in old memories.
If you were in a routine with your ex, try to break out of the same habitual activities and alter your schedule a bit to make life seem anew.
Pamper yourself too whenever possible. It doesn’t have to be a whole bank-breaking “day at the spa,” either. It can be something as simple as taking yourself out for an ice cream cone and eating it in the park while you relax and enjoy the nice day.
Never Settle for Less Again
As you enjoy being single and independent, make sure you keep in mind the things that you want out of a permanent relationship. Don’t replay the scenario of this breakup in every relationship that you’re in.
Every person is unique and no one is going to an exact duplicate with all of the traits your former partner had. It won’t help to analyze the breakup and apply the same logic to any future connections because the end result may not be the same.
Keep a journal of the dates you go on and who had qualities you admire. Perhaps even make yourself a critical must have and must not have list – don’t be too rigid with your prerequisites, but don’t keep enough guidelines in place that you remember not to fall back into old habits and start dating the wrong type of person again.
Once the hurt heals and you’re completely over your ex, you can even refer to a list of reasons why you now realize he wasn’t the one for you. Talk about how he and his actions made you feel.
In the end, this decision not to reconcile is up to you and your ex. If they decide they’re better off without you, then respect their decision and move on.