Finding Success When Dating Women

Who Will You Present to Single Women?

When entering the dating pool, you have some options in regards to who you want to "be." It's pretty important to remember that being yourself is your best bet, but you might want to be the enhanced or special edition you.

This doesn't mean you have to be fake, but you might want to dig a little and play up some of the traits you have, but might not feel comfortable using on a regular basis - things like courage, excitement, and playfulness. You need to find all those cool characteristics you have and not be afraid to make them part of the bigger picture.

This is a bit like acting. It's well known that actors draw from their own personalities and experiences when they're in character. What happens often is that actors exaggerate some of their own traits in order to pull off being someone else on screen.

Look at Jim Carrey - an extremely funny guy, who can be serious, too. But do you think he's Ace Ventura at home? Not all the time, but you can bet that Ace has always been lurking around in that guy's persona.

Don't decide you're Vin Diesel if you're really a stamp collector (there's nothing wrong with that either, by the way). Take stock of all of your personality traits, even the ones that don't come out that often.

If you have a great sense of humor, but don't get to use it often, see what you can do about that. Women love to laugh. If you have a daring side, but think that might be a bit over the top, think about ways you could show that side without scaring your date.

Keep in mind that there are some traits that a girl will look for in any man. These are courage, confidence, self-control, a sense of fun, being comfortable with himself (sort of like confidence), curiosity and respect for himself and others.

Do you possess those characteristics? You most likely do, and you should strive to bring those to the forefront when trying to attract a nice, desirable woman. If you don't think you have them, find ways to work on bringing those things out in your life. You may have to use the "fake it 'till you make it" philosophy.

If you always feel like you're going to vomit because of the anxiety of talking to a new woman, or say something idiotic the very second you get near a girl you like, you have to fix that situation. One way to do it is by creating your persona, and practicing it.

Again, think of it as acting. Don't try to become a totally different person. Try to become you - the special edition, which means that all of your best qualities are out there, and you're not afraid to use them!

Find a Woman Who's Compatible with Your Lifestyle

Compatibility is the foundation of a good relationship. If you don't have things in common and if your ideas about what the future should hold don't match, you're going to have problems keeping a relationship going.

That's why it's important to date women who you're compatible with. She doesn't have to love everything that you love or vice versa, but the two of you do need to have common interests and goals.

You have to know yourself before you can embark on any serious dating. Think about what's important to you. Do those things have to be important to her? Which ones? Think about what you want for your future. Kids? A farm in the country? A busy social life that includes parties every weekend?

Do you want someone who's a neat freak or a relaxed housekeeper (so she won't gripe at you about the socks you left on the bedroom floor)? Are you a coach potato? A thrill-seeker? What if your job requires you to travel a lot - you need someone who will be okay with that, right?

All of these questions and others that are similar are important when you're looking for a woman. Even though she doesn't have to be your clone in female form, it's best if you agree on the fundamentals, and you definitely have to agree on the deal-breakers.

If it's really important to you to have a large brood of children, you better make sure that the women you seriously date want that, too. If it's important to you that your home has an open-door policy for all of your friends, you need to make sure she's okay with that idea.

Thinking that she'll change her mind after you're together for a while is a bad risk, so if she isn't on the same wavelength as you when it comes to the things you consider to be high on your list of life's priorities, you need to look elsewhere.

If a woman is smart (and you're dating nice, smart women, right?), she will also have her own priorities and will be upfront with you when the time comes.  If you fall in love with someone who doesn't share your wants and must-haves, ask yourself if there will be a way to compromise so that you're both happy.

If not, you're better off just letting the relationship go and finding someone who's a better fit. This is your life - don't settle. With the thousands of available women that live within your geographical area, and millions outside of it, you're sure to find several who want the same things in life that you want - whether it's kids, a horse farm, or to sail around the world and live on a boat. As you date and get to know each woman, you'll find out more about her and your potential for long-term compatibility.

Make an Effort to Bump into the Right Women

Finding the right women to date is going to take some effort on your part. Unless you're unusually lucky, the chances of Mrs. Right showing up at your door are pretty slim. On the other hand, the chance of you finding Mrs. Right if you're out there looking (without looking desperate), and making yourself available, are pretty good!

The trick is to be visible and involved. Without visiting a different bar every night, you can make yourself visible and you can do some hunting. If you're sitting home sulking because you don't have a date, you're not going to get one.

You need to find things that interest you, places that you like to go (alone or with a friend or two), and things you want to try. Make a list and start doing. Some of the ways to jump-start your "bump into the right woman" campaign are:

·         Joining clubs that are in line with your hobbies and interests

·         Taking classes

·         Joining professional associations

·         Joining spiritual groups

·         Getting involved in political campaigns

·         Getting involved in causes that you believe in

These are all great ways to meet interesting women who you have lots in common with. And if you're doing things that are important to you, you'll know that you and she share some of the same values.

You may need to step out of your comfort zone a little, but it's worth it. If you're normally a bit shy or hesitant about getting involved in such things, take a friend with you.

A bit of discomfort is a small price to pay for meeting new people, one or more of who could be your next date. If you think you have nothing to offer, sit down and make a list of what you do have going for you.

Having that knowledge will come in handy when you're figuring out what groups to join and what interesting new things you'd like to try in your endeavors to meet the right woman.

Bumping into the right kind of women to date isn't something that just happens. Well, maybe once in a while, but it's not the only way. You have to go and look for women that you're interested in dating.

You can make a chance meeting seem just like that if you take some time to think of where you might find the right kind of women to date. With some planning, you will soon be meeting friends and lining up new dates.

Overcoming Shyness Around Women

Most times, men are the ones that do the asking for dates. Men have to approach the women, say the right words and hope she accepts the invitation. This is nerve-wracking at best for most guys - especially shy men.

But if you're sitting at home waiting for her to ask you out, you're making a big mistake. Chances are, she won't. If you're shy and you haven't been sending signals, she's not even going to know that you're interested.

And some women won't ask a man out just because there's still that unspoken rule for some that the guy should do the asking.  If you fear asking a girl out because you may get rejected, you're not alone.

It happens, but not asking anyone out is pretty much going to guarantee that you'll be spending your Saturday nights by yourself or with your Poker buddies for many years to come.

Shyness stems from a fear of rejection. You're afraid to approach, talk and ask, because she might not show an interest in you. The beauty is that there are literally billions of women on the planet, and many of them are single, within your age range, like the same things you like, and are looking for someone like you.

The best things you can do for yourself if you're shy about asking women out is to do it until you get over your shyness and hesitation. You have a list of reasons not to do this as long as your arm, but really the best thing you can do for yourself is to just get practice until it becomes second nature.

Ask women out who you think you want to date - choose your targets and just do it. Here's how:

·         First, realize that you will get shot down sometimes. Everybody does. But you have to start somewhere.

·         Practice. You can do this in front of a mirror, with a recorder or with a trusted friend. Practice asking a woman out that you've met before and you at least know a little bit. For example: "I've got two tickets for the Red Sox game this Saturday, would you like to join me?" Or, "Have you been to the new Thai restaurant on Third Street? I'm planning on trying it out, but I can't find anyone else willing to try it - would you like to join me?" She will either say yes, no, or "Oh, I can't, I've made plans for Saturday."

·         If she says she already has plans, that doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't want to go out with you. You won't know for sure whether she's making it up or not. Don't stand there and say, "Well, how about Tuesday, or next Saturday?" because you'll look desperate.  Smile and say, "Okay, well maybe next time." Be friendly and try again in a few weeks.

You have to be willing to take some risks if you want to date. You are going to get turned down on occasion - just chalk that up to experience and move on. It's not something you should ever take personally, because not every woman is going to like you and you're not going to like every woman.

Never Ask for Her Phone Number

You've met a woman that you like, and it seems like she likes you, too. How are you going to keep in touch until it's time to plan a date? The obvious way would be to ask for her phone number and/or email address so you can get in touch with her, but that may not be your best choice in every circumstance.

Women aren't always comfortable giving out that kind of information until they know a person pretty well. In this day and age, most everyone is more reluctant to give out personal information - except in situations where they feel very comfortable.

A first meeting probably isn't comfortable enough for some women. There are a few ways you can get around this, and while they might take more effort, if you show her that you're willing to take her natural cautiousness into consideration, she will appreciate you for it and probably think highly of you because of it.

Something that you can do to really instill trust is to give her your phone number and/or email address instead of asking her to give you hers. This lets her know that you seriously want to stay in touch, and it gives her a bit more control over the situation.

It might be hard as a man to give up control, but you have to be willing to play the game sometimes. If she's into you, she will call or email. If you don't hear from her, it's disappointing, but you'll get over it.

Another possibility is to tell her that you've really had a great time talking to her and you'd like to keep in touch. You can then say something like, "Let's exchange phone numbers (or email addresses) so we can keep in touch and maybe get together sometime."

Then you can write your information down and give it to her in hopes that she gives you hers, too.  If she does, you're all set. If she doesn't, just wait for her to contact you, but don't pressure her to give you her information.

The last thing you ever want to do is to appear too aggressive or demanding when you're trying to get a date. Nor do you want to appear desperate, so if she doesn't pony up - no asking why or trying to change her mind.

She might just be very cautious - and in this case - you can always give her a way to get a hold of you by telling her how much you enjoyed your conversation and that you'd like to talk again. If you do this while handing her your business card or your email address on a slip of paper, you can look forward to hearing from her.

People are more cautious in general today, and women tend to be much more cautious about giving out their digits than in the past. You have to accept that for what it is and not take it personally.

Invite Her to Something You're Already Going To

Sometimes formally asking for a date seems sort of weird, even though you want to go out with her. It just seems like you're back in school to have to walk up to a woman you like and say, "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

It's pretty stiff and seems old fashioned. A more comfortable approach can be to invite her to join you for an activity that you already have planned for yourself (even if you haven't really planned it for yourself). Here's how:

The first step is to have an idea of what interests you and she have in common. If you have things in common that you enjoy, for example hiking, the next time you plan a hiking daytrip, you can invite her along.

Make the invitation very casual by first talking about the outing and making it sound exciting. Then lead into a spiel where she can "join you if she wants" - she will feel a lot more comfortable and less pressured that it's a date.

This tactic works well because you're implying that you know she's going to enjoy doing whatever it is with you. Frame the invitation so that you sound enthusiastic and like you know you're both going to have fun and that it will be a great way for you to pass some time together.

Maybe you know her from a book club. You could let her know when an author is going to be in town for a reading and you could suggest you go together. Put it like this, "I just heard that Stephen King is going to be doing a reading at Barnes and Noble! I got tickets, so why don't you come along?" How can she resist an invitation like that?

The premise of asking her to something you're already going to can apply to just about anything. If you're going to a party at the opening of a new club or if you're going to the tattoo convention and you know you're both into tattoos, just tell her that it's coming up, looks like there will be a lot of interesting people and things to see and invite her to come, too.

When you ask a girl out for this kind of date, you're really doing yourself a favor because she won't feel the pressure of a sometimes awkward dinner and movie type of date. She knows you are going to be having a good time and that the two of you will be able to enjoy something that you have in common.

This is a great way to get to know each other better and if it goes well, you can always extend the "date" by going for a bite to eat afterwards.  If you don't get out much and don't have a lot of things lined up for yourself to invite her to, you'll need to add some activities to your list.

Don't be lazy - dating and getting dates isn't for lazy people and you need to put forth effort. Make sure your list has activities you actually like, because you need to be authentic from the beginning. When you approach dating this way, it becomes easier and much less pressure-filled for you both.