Dating Advice to Find a Life Partner

Align Your Interests with Your Dating Scene

Here's a surefire way to meet Mrs. Right - use your hobbies and interests to expand your circle of friends and acquaintances. By using your interests to get out and meet new people, you're going to find great ways to have fun just by doing what you like to do and greatly increase your chances of finding a date who enjoys the same activities.

This is important in dating. If you meet someone who is fantastic in the looks department, but she has no interest at all in any of the things that you like, you're going to be bored after a very short while.

Here's what you need to do: brainstorm all of the things you like to do, or even the things you'd like to try, but haven't yet. Make a list of these things and then add the things you feel passionate about (the must-haves), like your dog, or college football, or playing bocce ball with your friends every third Saturday of the month.

Now that you have your list, think of all of the places and ways that you can incorporate these important hobbies and passions into your search for a date. Don't just walk your dog around the same block you've been walking him for the last three years - go to a bark park if there's one in your city, or choose a different dog-walking route where you might meet other dog lovers.

If your hobby is reading, certainly visit local bookstores, but go to author readings and the library - you're sure to find other bibliophiles, right?  If you want a date that's as much into fitness as you are, look at the gym - but go at different times than you normally would to see who's hanging out at the juice bar getting a protein shake.

This method for looking for dates that have similar interests is very effective. It might take some time, but it's amazing where people meet and under what circumstances. You may be perusing the selection of new releases in the Reggae section of your local music store and meet the woman of your dreams.

All of your hobbies and interests are fair game. Even if they don't seem significant, take some time developing your list and your strategies for finding new places that might present opportunities so that you can steer clear of the tired bar scene.

Don't forget your deal breakers - if you have a dog and you insist that your date likes dogs too, the bark park is a good start. That's not to say that someone you bump into at the coffee shop won't like dogs - if she likes coffee and dogs - it's a bonus!

Fish lover? Head for the specialty store. Tattoo aficionado? Go to a tattoo convention. Star Trek memorabilia collector? You know what to do. Dinosaur bones? Go to the museum of natural history.

If you aren't worried about where your prospective love interest lives, you could always check out some online forums that have to do with your particular interests. You might meet someone near, or far away.

Start brainstorming your list today and begin making plans to visit these locations regularly. Don't get discouraged if she doesn't appear immediately. Be consistent about looking and give it some time.

A Second Date Doesn't Mean You're "Dating" Yet

Just because she's said yes to a second date doesn't mean your dating exclusively, so don't jump the gun and declare that she's yours. You might like her a lot and you've been waiting and searching a long time for someone as pretty, funny, smart and cool as she is.

But you shouldn't pin your hopes all on this one person just yet, and she shouldn't do that to you, either. It can be a big turn-off and feel desperate to the other person who begins to view you as "clingy" or territorial.

Dating exclusively is a big step. No, it's not as big as moving in together, but it does represent a level of commitment and while you might think you're ready by the second date, you're probably not. There's nothing wrong with giving it some time.

For some, dating exclusively only takes place after several dates and a discussion in which the agreement is made to only date each other. Until then, there's nothing wrong with dating around for a while until you both decide that you like each other best out of the dating pool.

Here's how to keep things from getting too serious, too fast:

·         Continue to date her regularly, but date other women too - and assume she's dating other guys.

·         Use this time to really get to know her, and to understand your feelings about her. Are you feeling desperate, like you must have her all to yourself right now? If that's the case, you need to figure out what's going on with yourself. Are you in love or are you desperate to have a girlfriend?

·         Keep the early dates fun, light and casual. They're meant for getting to know one another. You have a lifetime to get into deep, meaningful conversations.

·         After several dates, if you really do like her, make the dates a bit more romantic and see how she responds. If her response is favorable, there's a clue that you both might want to take it to the next step soon.

·         If, after several dates over the period of at least a few months, you still think she's someone you want to commit yourself exclusively to, then it's time to find out if she feels the same.

If you get to the point where you feel it's time to become an exclusive couple, you can start a conversation with her about the subject. You should have a pretty good idea beforehand if she feels the same, so hopefully you won't get any unpleasant surprises.  Make sure that you've taken the time you need to date other women to see if she truly is a good fit for you. This won't happen overnight, so don't try to force it.

Know When to Back Off to Get Further

In a dating relationship, especially when you're still just getting to know each other, you have to play a bit of a cat and mouse game. Lots of people get upset when the word "game" is associated with dating.

The fact remains that in the "getting to know you" period, you can't just throw yourself at the woman you're dating, tell her that you love her and that you want to be with her every minute of the day and expect her to be okay with that.

Unless she's very needy or a gold-digger who really wants to get her claws into you, she's going to run screaming. That's why you have to play a little. You can't just throw all of your cards on the table right away.

Instead, you have to act sort of like a rubber band. You have to stretch out to her, and then back away. There's nothing wrong with doing this, and in fact, it's how most human relationships are anyway.

When you do this during dating, you are showing her that you like her, but that you haven't sacrificed your entire life for her. Of course, the game goes both ways. Here's how to back off to get further:

When you're out on a date, whether it's lunch or a party or a baseball game, spend lots of time with her and near her, but take breaks, too. Go play pool for a few minutes - don't be rude, just say, "I'm going to play a game of pool with Joe, be right back."

You can glance and smile at her from the pool table so she knows that you haven't forgotten her. Or take a few minutes to go get a drink. You're not abandoning her - you're letting her know that you like her but that your life isn't centered completely on her.

When you're with her, make sure you take a break from talking. It's okay to have silence for a minute or two - it's not going to hurt anything. You can always break the silence by asking her a question about herself or something that she's interested in.

If you're constantly talking, you aren't giving her or yourself a breather to take in what's happening. If you're hitting it off so well that neither of you can stop talking, that's okay, but keep in mind that you still might need to pull away just for a minute or so to give her some time to miss you.

On the other hand, while backing off is a good thing, you can act too aloof - to the point that you lose her. Don't wander off and come back a half hour later and expect her to be okay with sitting by herself while you chatted with your buddies.

Likewise, if you've had a date or two and you like her and want to continue dating, don't wait a month to call her. She will have moved on. You don't have to call the very next day, but you'd be wise to call or email within a couple of days to let her know you had a good time on your last date and you hope you can go out again sometime soon.

Backing off to get farther is a balancing act, but it doesn't have to be all that difficult. Just allow for some breathing space for both of you and give her a chance to miss you and your great personality for a bit. This is all part of "the game."

From Time to Time, You're Going to Strike Out

No one, not even the savviest, sexiest guy on the planet gets every date he wants and has a 100% dating success record. You're going to strike out once in a while. Someone you really like might turn you down for a date, or you might have a date that doesn't pan out well.

What are you going to do? Here's the first thing you're not going to do - complain. So, it didn't turn out well, or she said, "no" when you asked her out. Get over it and move on. Not every girl is going to like you or want to date you and you are going to have bad dates.

Understand that things don't always go as planned, but we get another chance tomorrow. Yes, it's disappointing, but it's reality, so prepare yourself for it and buck up. The second thing you can't do is give up.

Dating is tough and not for the faint of heart. If you ask someone out and she says, "no," don't take it personally. She might have reasons other than the awful ones you're already assuming.

She might already have a boyfriend, she might be a lesbian, she might be taking a break from dating, or she might be in the middle of a family crisis that's taking up all of her time and energy. Just don't take a "no" personally because most times it has nothing to do with you.

The third thing is something you should do. You should take time to give some thought to whether or not it might be you. If you asked a woman out and she said, "no," it's no big deal.

But if you've asked several women out and gotten negative responses from all of them, you need to analyze your approach. Just make sure that you're not being obnoxious or desperate because you won't get many dates that way.

If you've had a date and things just didn't go well, you can spend a bit of time analyzing what went wrong - again, it may not be you at all! Maybe you found out that you two really don't have all that much in common.

Or maybe she picked food out of her teeth with her fingernails, or maybe you droned on and on about your last crappy relationship. Just try to see what might have happened and if you can identify problems with your own behavior, take steps to correct them before you go out with a different woman.

Striking out is part of the game, so you have to take it with a grain of salt. You're not going to be successful 100% of the time. View "failures" as opportunities to learn something about yourself.

Stop Putting So Much Pressure on Yourself!

There's a lot of pressure associated with being single. You have friends who are married or in relationships, and the media is relentlessly showing you visions of people who have one date after another, with hardly a moment to breathe.

You want to find a nice woman to date, and you'd like to find a nice woman to share your life with, but you're not so sure about the idea of trying to date seven nights a week, no matter what the dating gurus tell you.

It's fun to have a busy social life, but let's be real about this - quantity does not equal quality and dating just because you feel some social pressure to, is dating for the wrong reason.

Let's take some of the pressure off and take a sane and realistic approach to dating. What do we know?

·         We know that you'll probably have to date in order to find the right girl.

·         We know that you'll probably have to date several people before you find the right girl.

·         We know that trying to do everything in a rush is never a good idea. That's because when you start to rush into things, the chances of not being prepared are greater and the chances of doing things you'll regret increase.

·         We know that if you're out every night on a date, you'll most likely wear yourself out and end up tired and disappointed because you're not paying attention to quality vs. quantity.

You need to relax a bit and not be in such a huge hurry. Even if you've waited all your life to find Mrs. Right, and you don't want to miss out, you still have to get your head on straight and take a sane approach to dating, not a frenzied one.

Since you'll probably need to date several women to find the right girl for you, you should commit yourself to approaching dating in a relaxed manner, knowing that any girl could be her, but any girl might not be, too.

The pressure to be paired-up is heavy for both men and women, and it doesn't matter if you're 20 or 70. Well-meaning friends and colleagues, not to mention your family want to know when you're going to settle down and find a girlfriend or wife.

They must have forgotten that good women don't just fall out of the sky and into your yard with your name pinned to their blouse. Finding the right mate takes time and effort. Don't allow yourself to fixate on the number of dates you've had in the last week, month or year.

By using a sensible approach to dating and not rushing yourself, you'll find that you have better results. This isn't to say that you should simply sit at home waiting for her to show up. You still have to put yourself out there and take risks if you want the rewards.

Do You Need a Break from the Dating Scene?

Dating can be frustrating. Sometimes it goes well, sometimes you meet someone you like and they don't like you. Sometimes you meet a woman who really likes you a lot (way too much) and you wish she'd go away.

Sometimes you can't get a date to save your life, and then you'll have too many at once and you just want some alone time. You may even feel like you need to take a break from the dating scene.

When you feel exhausted from all of the time, effort and money you're putting into dating, it might be time to take a break, even if it's only for a little while. Just to regain a sense of control over your life and to rethink your dating goals.

If you've had a bad experience, you might need some time off to figure out where you're headed. If you decide to take a break from the dating scene just because you're tired and fed up, you can spend your "break" simply resting.

But you should also be doing some other things as well. This time can be spent refocusing on what you want to accomplish by dating. Is your goal to meet a wife and the mother of your children or are you just looking to meet new and interesting women that you may or may not fall in love with in the future?

Are you just looking for someone to hang out with? You can also ask your self why you're dating - is it because your family or friends are pressuring you to get married and have babies? Is grandma wondering when you're going to make her a great-grandma?

All of these things can take the fun out of dating, turning it into a task, rather than an enjoyable social ritual. If you're in the middle of upheaval at work in your family, this can put so much stress on you that dating becomes almost impossible.

If you need to take a break until things straighten out, that's perfectly fine, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Sometimes unforeseen events can take over your life and leave you with little energy for dating.

If you pressure yourself to keep dating or get back into dating to soon, you'll be doing yourself (and the women you date) a huge disservice. Once you've dealt with the problems and questions at hand, you'll be in much better shape to date again, and possible find the woman of your dreams.