Work on Your Self-Esteem

Self-esteem isn’t something that’s bequeathed on a few at birth and then those few go on to live out the life they always wanted. They have the career you always wanted, the kind of relationship you’re envious of and they’re in the kind of great shape you only dream about.

Self-esteem isn’t fairy dust that’s sprinkled on a handful of people who then grow up under the umbrella of good luck. There’s no such thing as luck. There are only opportunities mistaken as luck.

Self-esteem Makes or Breaks the Success You Want

The very definition of self-esteem is just having confidence in who you are or what you can do. You respect your talents, your skills, and your ability to perform. That’s it. Not exactly rocket science.

But if you don’t have it, it sure does seem like it’s something that only a genius could possibly develop. Some of the signs of low self-esteem are constantly second guessing yourself.

Berating yourself, talking to yourself like you’re the worst person who ever breathed is another one. People with low self-esteem feel unattractive, stupid, and awkward. They’re often underachievers because they’re afraid to step forward and accept opportunities.

They run from challenges because they tell themselves they’d fail anyway if they tried. Low self-esteem often comes from a neglectful or bad childhood. It can be caused by trauma, by being bullied, by poor body image and by a negative circle of influence.

Most people have their self-esteem trampled on from the time they’re kids and all through their teenage years. Some overcome the self-esteem bruising, but others don’t. They hold onto the aftereffects.

Some do so intentionally, some don’t. Those who do hold on to the hurts and the doubts allow the sting to permeate everything they do. Here’s the thing about low self-esteem: what you’ve experienced may have been absolutely horrible.

You can’t do anything about that. But what you can do something about is control how you let it affect you. There are too many places to get help to let yourself stay steeped in low self-esteem issues.

You had a bad childhood? Many people did. But you’re not a child anymore. You’re an adult with a powerful voice and choices. Step up and take care of yourself. Do what you need to get healthy emotionally and rebuild your self-esteem.

No one can keep you down unless you let them. You have a voice and it’s a powerful one. Use it. Because you’re worth it. Ever notice that people with low self-esteem act like Eeyore?

They’re always down in the dumps, always saying negative stuff to themselves. They carry on with a woe-is-me attitude that drags them further into the downward spiral.

The Eeyore types get stuck on a never-ending loop.

They think, “I’m a failure,” and sometimes they really do believe that but sometimes they’re saying stuff like that hoping that someone will argue with them about it. They’re looking for reassurance and when they don’t hear it, then it reiterates to them that they’re not even worth listening to.

If you’re waiting for someone to rescue you, to make you feel better about yourself, even if it happens, it’s only temporary. Because no one can build your self-esteem for you.

You want to feel better about yourself? You want to get out of the rut? Then leave the pity party where you’re always the guest of honor because no one enjoys those. Not your friends, coworkers – not even your family.

They just don’t say anything. But trust me, they want to.  All you have to do is stop. Quit being your own worst enemy. Low self-esteem doesn’t have to be your legacy. It doesn’t have to be what chains you to an unhappy life because you do have a choice.

You don’t have to talk to yourself the negative way that you do out of habit. You have the power to change the conversation, inner thoughts and ultimately, your life. You can find success. Just rescue yourself.

Confidence Is Key to Success

Regardless of what area of your life you want to change, it’s confidence that’s going to get you there. So what exactly is confidence? When you have confidence it’s the culmination of what you believe.

How you view your abilities directly relates to how you’ll act. For example, if you’re faced with the loss of a job, but you’ve handled a job loss in the past, then you have that experience to rely on.

You have the confidence that you’ll make it through this job loss because you rose to the occasion before. The tasks that you did, the actions that you took the first time it happened proved that you can make it through.

You learned a lesson in the past that you applied to your current situation. Confidence means that you have the faith that whatever happens, you’re going to be able to do whatever needs to be done.

You might think that once you gain confidence, that’s it, game over, you win. But confidence isn’t stagnant. It’s ever-changing, always growing. The more that you do, the more that you stretch yourself, the more challenges you face and conquer, the bigger your confidence will be.

That’s why you can look back on the things you have done and feel awe that you did that. Don’t make the mistake of interchanging your confidence and your self-esteem. Though people confuse the two, they aren’t the same.

Your confidence is the belief you have in what you can do. Self-esteem is the belief in who you are. While the two are completely different, one can affect the other. Don’t make the mistake of believing that if you’re confident about something, you won’t ever have a misstep.

Because you will - since no one is perfect. Confidence is just the assurance that when you do make a misstep, you’ll be able to take action to fix it. When you have confidence in your ability to get the job done, you’re not going to be an Eeyore.

You’ll be able to look at what you want and accept that it’s happening. It’s a done deal because you’re not going to rest until you’ve accomplished it. So, if you’re someone who wants to lose weight, confidence means that while you might struggle with your weight, shedding those extra pounds is as good as done.

It’s not here at the moment, but you believe in your ability to stick to a plan until you achieve your goals. You’re going to have the shape that you want. It’s only a matter of time until you do.

In the meantime, you’re going to keep working on it. Day by day. Confidence must be what you keep at the forefront. It has to be your focus. Because if you want something but your focus keeps traveling back to what you don’t have, what you haven’t done, then you’ll start to doubt yourself.

Your confidence will shrivel like a poor flower starved of rain water. If you don’t go toward your life changes, toward your success with the belief that it’s happening, you’ll find yourself waffling back and forth between what you want and the kind of life you’ve lived up until this point.

If you want a great career, but you don’t go into it with confidence, you’re not going to make it. You might as well get ready for a job you’re unhappy with, because you’ll undermine your success.

Remember this: if you don’t have confidence in yourself, then how do you expect anyone else to? You won’t be able to get clients to believe in your product or services. You won’t be able to get your boss to believe that you deserve the promotion.

And if you’re looking for a new career, you won’t be able to convince whoever’s in charge of the hiring to believe that you’re capable of getting the job done if you’re not projecting confidence.

You Can Improve Your Self-esteem and Your Confidence

You see those people living the life that you want? They’re not better than you. They’re not smarter. They just took action stemming from high self-esteem and confidence instead of just resting on your laurels wanting a better life.

There’s no secret to improving your self-esteem and your confidence. What you see in other people is available to you, but not if you’re not going to do anything to help yourself.

Self-esteem and confidence aren’t searching for you. You have to find it yourself. While there’s no secret, there are some steps you can take to improve on this issue, which will help you be a success.

Number one, you must plan. If you don’t have a plan to lose weight, you won’t. If you don’t have a plan to have the best possible relationship, you won’t. If you don’t plan for career success, it’s not going to happen.

You have to plan and you’ll notice that when you have a plan, it gives your self-esteem and your confidence a boost. You know why? Because now, you have a direction. You have something that you can focus on that basically gives you a blueprint for success.

In your plan, if you’re aiming for a new career, then you would prepare. You would study the company or niche or whatever field you wanted to work in. You would educate yourself so that when you’re asked, you’re knowledgeable.

The person who does the hiring will be more inclined to choose the person who put in the effort over the person who just put on a tie. You might be hesitant to go after the career that want because you’re not sure that you could handle all that the job entails.

You don’t know how to take care of the projects you might face and you’re worried you’ll be seen as an imposter. Guess what? You will be an imposter if you don’t know what you’re doing.

But that’s where getting qualified comes in. You wouldn’t apply for a job as a superhero jumping off tall buildings if you didn’t know how to fly would you? Because if you did, there’d be a ‘help wanted’ sign up the very next day.

You can’t expect to walk into a career that you want without the proper training or skills.

So, bump up to that level. Take the class, find a mentor, and study your heart out. You’ll know what’s expected of you, you’ll be capable, and you’ll have the confidence knowing that you’ve totally got this.

You want some proof that you’re capable once you’ve done everything you can think of to prepare yourself? Let’s take a look at how you can develop that. Don’t keep looking at your end goal.

Your end goals can seem as big as a whale and make you want to run because it’s something you haven’t accomplished yet, so it makes you question your capability. You have to focus on your small wins.

This proves your capability. If your goal is to lose sixty pounds, then what you’d do is focus on the fact that you lost five pounds. That proves that you can make the changes that you need to make to lose weight.

Or look at how well you’ve performed in the career that you’re in. It proves you have the ability to handle the job. When you focus on small wins, it helps make you feel confident. And each small win is just part of your overall goal.

Don’t Listen to Naysayers

You plan to change your life. Good things are on the horizon. You just know that this is your moment. Everything inside of you is poised, on the very brink of taking that first momentous step.

Surely the experience of the first man walking on the moon was not as big as what you’re about to undertake. Then along comes a naysayer just full of negativity. All of a sudden, you feel like you couldn’t walk across the street without a tutor, much less take the steps you’d planned to take.

So now what do you do? Deep breath. Naysayers don’t bother people who aren’t doing anything with their lives. They only have something negative to say to those who are.

Naysayers can suck every last measure of happiness and motivation right out of you if you let them.

You don’t have to allow it. These people aren’t entitled to real estate inside your head. So it’s okay to tune them out. You can do that by having your goal clearly stated where you can see it.

Put it on a piece of paper and keep it in your wallet or in your purse. Put it in your pocket and when the negative tongue is wagging, trying to influence you to “be reasonable, quit while you’re ahead” or asking “what makes you think you’re capable” you can take that paper out and read it and reread it until you’re back on solid ground.

Do it until you know why you’re going after the success that you want. You might think that the naysayers are the people who are your potential competition. They could be, but more often than not, the naysayers who are trying to influence you are your friends, your neighbor, your family, and they’re only trying to “help.”

With that kind of help, it’s okay to pull back, to not tell them everything, to not roll over and show your tender stomach for them to jab. If you have people you love who fail at supporting you, gather a better group that will cheer you onward.

When naysayers question your ability or your decisions, remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation. You can just say, this is the right path for you. Or better yet, you don’t have to say anything at all.

Mostly naysayers are trying to “prove” they’re right and sometimes that stems from not wanting to see you fail. They don’t get that it’s not what you need because they’re projecting their own limitations onto you.

What you can do is pull up all the proof that you can find on why what you’re doing will work. Because facts stand for themselves and these facts will help to encourage you that you’re right and they’re wrong. You’ve got this. Now ignore them out and get back to work.

Remember, you don’t have to argue your point with them. It’s enough to fortify your decisions in your own mind. You don’t answer to anyone else about your goals and dreams. Only yourself.